Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Those Guys Are AWESOME

It apparently took a football writer, Peter King, to notice this quote from Johnny Damon. Writes His Royal Highness:
"Quote of the Week
'It's incredible. What more can you ask for? Even being mentioned in the same sentence as Jesus or God ... I mean, those guys are awesome. I'm just a knucklehead.'

-- Red Sox outfielder Johnny Damon, who, by all appearances, actually answered a question in Boston Magazine about his Jesus-like appearance seriously.

And you wonder why Tony Kornheiser doesn't have athletes on his show. Why reporters ask questions about non-sports-related topics is beyond me.

That said, Mr. Damon is on to something. The Nats really are two players away from the NL East division crown. But where would the Almighty play on a Baseball team? (Preliminary thought - middle infield. He's got the whole world in His hands).


At 1:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can He make a bat so heavy He can't swing it?

At 4:29 PM, Blogger Basil said...

I suppose the Holy Trinity could handle all three OF spots, right? Move Wilks to first; trade Johnson and Sledge; make Guillen the fourth OFer; kill Endy. Sounds like a plan. ;-)

At 6:42 PM, Blogger Randolph said...

This is why I love Johnny Damon. He's hilarious, sometimes on purpose.

That said, while lots of people say that Jesus is awesome, I think a lot of their opinion is based on context-dependent stats like RBI, the idea that he was a "clutch" hitter, and one really impressive performance on Easter Sunday. Most people don't realize that his OBP was only about .350 -- only slightly above average for the elevated offensive environment of the Roman-dominated eastern Mediterranean.

At 9:19 PM, Blogger DM said...

Name: Jesus de Nazareth
Birthplace: Bethlehem
Position: 2B

Picked after Barrabas in 33 draft. Light-hitting middle infielder who seems only capable of sacrifice bunts at the plate. Also will turn the other cheek and draw a walk. In the minors he could endure long road trips with little per diem, even up to 40 days. Teammates often complain he does not play to potential, telling them he does not put "his God" (which some think is his glove) to the test. Makes his own bats, and sometimes fills in for the trainer with homespun remedies made from saliva and dirt. Temper can be a problem, as he once stormed into the press box and turned over the hors dourves table. Uses unorthodox training regimen, calling his body "the temple," which he "tears down" and rebuilds. Off the field he eschews hard negotiation with management, instructing his agent to "render unto Caesar". Handles trades well, using ritual of dusting off his spikes.

At 11:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Nats are two players from winning the NL East if those two players happen to be Jim Edmonds and Scott Rolen.

At 1:25 PM, Blogger dexys_midnight said...

Signing Jesus didn't work out as well for the Yankees as expected.





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